Tag Archives: depression

One Day

One day this week, my day started of pretty bad.

I could blame Instagram, and the time it inevitably eats up, I could blame the fact that Arthur wasn’t feeling very well that week and was demanding my time more than usual. I could blame the mountain of washing on the kitchen floor also demanding my time, but here I am learning not to look for blame and be accountable

Arthur was playing with his toys in the playroom, the light was hitting the wall perfectly, ‘what a great picture’ I thought. So with pots still in the sink and beds unmade I spent the good part of 45 minutes sat on the playroom floor catching the perfect angle for a #shelfie picture! What has my life become?!

The ironic thing is I just ended up shutting the curtains, as the light was too glaring, and snapped a pic. Not a very good one at that. It was definitely one of those moments to enjoy with my eyes! Lesson learned (probably not!)

My time had been eaten up.

That day was one of those days, where anxiety was getting the better of me and my thoughts were going wild. I was procrastinating on everything that I needed to do.

In one of my earlier posts, I speak about my self care routine I hadn’t taken my own advice, I had let it slide.

I hadn’t written in my journal for longer than I cared to remember. I wasn’t really making time for myself to be creative. I was busy every evening making rainbows and knitting for my little business Enchanted Rainbows and while I loved this, I had taken on too much work, making it a little less enjoyable.

It’s all the little things that add up. All the things I don’t do for myself. I am starting to look at cleaning the house as an act of self care. As I was walking out of the house a few days ago, in a crazy rush I was leaving the breakfast pots, hoping Dan would wash them when he came home, thinking about how I loved the feeling of coming home and them being done. What didn’t I do this myself? For me?!

My monkey mind was taking over….where shall we go today? To the woods? Maybe not, Arthur wasn’t feeling well. We will just stay inside. That’s no good, I can’t stay inside all day and look at the house, there’s so many jobs that need doing. The kitchen needs painting for a start. I hate the floors. They need painting too. So many jobs. So much money. Thinking of money, I was supposed to be doing a no spend January? What’s the month now? APRIL?! Oh god I’m terrible. We would save some money if I actually get around to doing that meal plan, so we didn’t go over budget for shopping every month. Must do that tonight. I shouldn’t have spent so much time taking that stupid picture! Oh crap, I have parcels I need to post!

Cue manic rushing!

See how easy that is, for me anyway. Letting that monkey mind take over. Letting my thoughts take over. From one simple thought, leading to a downward spiral of should haves and must dos. Leaving me with a sense of failure and inadequacy. A path well trodden.

I stopped for a moment. I made the beds, I washed the pots, I wrapped the parcels. We got dressed and I put Arthur in the buggy and walked….

I had a bit of a Forrest Gump moment. I walked and I breathed in the fresh air. I focused on all of the things around me. The grass, the blue sky, the flowers. I literally stopped to smell the flowers. Breathe…. I relaxed. We watched the birds and the bumble bees buzzing. Ah! Nature, it does that to me, if I let it. That day I did. I gathered my thoughts. I was thankful for the awareness I could bring to them. Yes I had let my self care slide. Yes I needed to get more organised. This weekend, I will prioritise what I need to do.

We walked past woods, fields and made a detour through a Costa Coffee! I must sort that latte addiction out, but that’s for another day….

We walked 8 miles that day! Well I walked 8 miles, Arthur was quite content being pushed in the buggy, watching the world go by, in between naps.

Now making meal plans may not sound like a profound act of self care, but for me it is part of the puzzle. It makes my overall life easier. I am using this as my journal right now. I am on the right track.

Self care isn’t just bubble baths, sometimes it’s 8 mile walks with a poorly three year old, washing the pots before you leave the house, and making meal plans and budgets.

That’s my weekend sorted.

Hope you all have a lovely one!

Thank you for reading,

Amy ❤️

P.S I’d written this post last week and I have hesitated to post it, so here I am, Sunday morning hitting publish. I haven’t spent much time at all on social media this week (apart from a few moments to reply to messages) and I have to say what a difference it has made. It frees up so much TIME! Surely that is one of the most important things in the world. I need to find a balance between growing my Instagram, my little rainbow shop and my life! Work in progress ❤️

P.P.S Here is a really interesting article on procrastination Why procrastinating has nothing to do with self control.

2018 Reflections.

This post began with the title New Year Intentions and ended up the title 2018 reflections, although ramblings may be more apt!

It has been a funny old year, 2018.

It seems like not much has changed looking from the outside, but looks can be deceiving.

This year has seen many changes for me on the inside. I seem to have relaxed a lot more and not put so much pressure on myself.

I am doing my own thing more and more, not worrying what people will think and it feels great, I’m not sure if that is an age thing, a mum thing, I don’t know, but I’m enjoying it!

Although there areso many things that still need my focus on the inside (low self esteem/self acceptance I’m looking at you!)

The focus has been on slowing down.

Not that I lived a fast paced lifestyle before, it just seems like I have scaled down how we spend our time and are definitely focusing on quality over quantity in all areas of our life.

I feel this year I have came back into ‘myself’ more and more.

Since having Arthur, I have suffered a bit with depression, especially in the early days and looking back it all came down to self care.

Mandala making, one of my favourite ways to relax, and get ‘me time’ especially if I can make them in the woods!

I wasn’t looking after myself, I felt like my freedom had been taken away and I felt a little lost….this year I feel I have managed to bridge the gap. Although in 2019 self care needs to be an ongoing focus for me.

One major turning point for me was giving myself the space to be creative.

I’ve had my Instagram account a little over a year now and this helped massively. It provided me with a space to connect with like minded people, a place to share my crafts, fun with our wooden toys and our outdoor adventures.

I have made time in nature a huge focus for our family this year. It has been a key element for my mental health.

It helps that Arthur absolutely loves to be outside in the woods and the forest. Ollie comes along a little more reluctantly sometimes! Haha!

I have found my way back into a spiritual practice again this year. My practice was something that was very important to me before Arthur came along, and it kind of got pushed to one side. Again is has been about setting that time aside, whether I meditate, do spell-work, or work on my vision board I have created a little time and space to allow me to do that. If that time turns into Netflix and knitting some nights then so be it!

I also have taken steps to follow/ learn Shamanism which I am really looking forward to in 2019. (There are a couple of previous blog posts on shamanism)

My space just to be/ create/ write etc.

Another major thing this year that has had a huge positive impact is decluttering. This has brought about changes for the better and also made me so aware of how I spend my money. Now I’m not sure if I can call myself a minimalist but I’m very close! (Blame ALL the toys and books!)

My favourite decluttering book EVER

We have made many changes to live a more sustainable lifestyle this year. At the time they all seemed like really tiny changes (not enough) but as I look back at them all now, collectively I can see that we are making a change and it is amazing how they all add up. I can’t wait to keep that going, well, forever!

We have had lots of adventures in our Motorhome this year and that’s definitely something we are planning more of in the New Year. Our motorhome is one physical thing I treasure most. It seems like adventure isn’t far away when I can see it parked up waiting for us!

My next post will be coming very soon…New Year Intentions ❤️

Thank you for reading,

Amy ❤️